My public apology to Gollum

Okay, I chose to follow Tolkien only because Lewis is one of my author crushes, and they were buds. My main relationship with him was putting the movies (any of them) on the tv to make me grade papers. For real, for at least fifteen years, that's been my background noise that I wouldn't get bored by nor get sucked into.

So, when I chose Tolkien, I went to ol' google to ask what was the best book to start with. Naturally, everyone said to start with The Hobbit, and I followed all the nerds' advice. (High school me was dumb and used that term derogatorily, but I'm now surrounded by nerdy authors every day, and they are infinitely cooler than I EVER was in high school. I was more interested in pinching butts in crowded hallways, setting off stink bombs in the lunchroom, streaking the halls when I mistakenly thought the school was empty, or putting my bra in the time capsule. Karma has done its job these nineteen years of teaching high school. So, I'll take some cool af nerds every single time I get the chance).

I thought The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings was just for dudes.

Boy, was I wrong. Damn, I loved it from cover to cover, and I had to FORCE myself to NOT jump into the Lord of the Rings trilogy after The Hobbit because they weren't on my reading list.

I preface all this because, man, I did Gollum so dirty. I would wince at the sight of him or his voice while grading papers. I would talk trash about greedy heifers by sending the Gollum "My precious" meme or gif.

Then, I read the book.

Y'all, since I just read it a month ago, and I've thought of dear Gollum a lot since, let me give you a refresher:

First off, Gollum's a hobbit. Yeah, he's not some gross ass creature who chose to live a creepy life. He had a family, and he was separated from them and ended up in the caves of the Misty Mountains ALONE. Poor dude had no one. And, all we think is he's OCD about this magical ring calling it "my precious." Wrong.

He calls HIMSELF Precious!!!

Let that sink in. I had to read it multiple times to make sure I understood it correctly. Ol' dude had been alone for so long that he had to be his own friend, and he called himself "My Precious." Tolkien was beautiful in his characterization of every single being in the book, but he didn't even drop some Gollum lore until towards the end of his and Bilbo's interaction. Remember the riddle battle? Bilbo had said one, and Tolkien says that Gollum had to reach far back into his memories to recollect how beings would respond. Not gonna lie, I cried in bed when I realized how sadly beautiful this was. Sad that he was completely alone, but incredibly beautiful because he treated his relationship with his only friend as precious.

Damn, that's deep, Y'all.

For those of you who don't believe me and think I'm being too emotional (get over it), here's Gollum's first words in The Hobbit:

Gollum got into his boat and shot off from the island, while Bilbo was sitting on the brink altogether flummoxed and at the end of his way and his wits. Suddenly up came Gollum and whispered and hissed:

“Bless us and splash us, my precioussss! I guess it’s a choice feast; at least a tasty morsel it’d make us, gollum!” And when he said gollum he made a horrible swallowing noise in his throat. That is how he got his name, though he always called himself ‘my precious’.

Take that, Heifers!

So, here are my takeaways:

1. Words have power. Our first, most important, forever relationship is with ourselves. Probably a good idea to speak to ourselves the way we deserve. Maybe we should all follow Gollum's example and call ourselves "My precious"?!?!

2. The entire world has done sweet Gollum so dirty! We've made him a pariah! We've mocked him and used him as a punch line. We're supposed to only punch UP! We're better than this.

   
   

When we know better, we must do better.

So, this is my Friday gospel: we all owe Gollum an apology and should revisit his introduction to the world. If you read it, and you still feel the right to mock him, you're trash.

I'll go first:

I'm sorry, Gollum. Meeting you was a great honor, and I am so sorry that I allowed pop culture to tell me who you were instead of going straight to the source. Much love, Buddy.

Just one more example of how beauty is all around us, AND fiction can teach us about the "real" world if we're willing to allow it.

TTFN!!! I need to be cleaning and packing!