Daddy Issues

Bio dad on left. Dad on right.

Skipped to 2013 for this gem! Still loving some Jesus and still vying for my bio dad's love.

This was written two days before my dad died (the world would call him my stepdad, but this is the man who protected me, loved me, and nurtured me). I haven't even read the email yet, but it's addressed to my bio dad. Lemme read it and get back to you.

It's worth mentioning that he never wrote back, and it was titled: "Because you should know."

Okay, just read it. So, looks like this is what I sent to my support system. I'm an open book to the folks I trust. And, from what I can deduce, I forwarded this to my sperm donor. Pretty sure his ego didn't like the mention of love and soul mates between Mom and Dad. Maybe that's why he never responded.

Who can say. Anyway, trigger warning for end of life talk.

Letter to bio dad:

I am writing this letter from a stiff armchair in the corner of my father’s palliative care room. When I look up, I see my little sister sleeping on the side of my father’s bed and Dad is lying there in a comatose state. The room is large and the rest of the family is in the kitchen eating.

The doctors marked Dad inactive on the liver transplant list because his body was too weak to accept one if a match were to become available. He has been through so much these past three weeks. He almost died four times and fought to come back to us each time. We made the decision Friday morning to respect his wishes and move him to palliative care and just let him go with comfort and dignity. He has been hurting so much for so long.

So, here we are. All my sisters are here and we are loving on Dad and Mom as much as possible. We have cuddled with him and Mom has been spending her last nights by her soul mate’s side. This is an excruciating honor. We all have peace that when Dad draws his last breath he will be received with shouts of joy in Heaven. Our Father loves our father so much and is comforting all of us even now.

The pain, fear and sadness washes over us every now and then, but we are so surrounded with love and memories that it doesn’t last too terribly long.

I am blessed to have the support system I have. Everyone has allowed me to take the time I need and I am ever so thankful. I have never loved my family so deeply and, as hard as it may seem, I’m thankful for this time. I believe my dad and Dad have a plan to bless our family on the other side of this, and this is Dad’s last act as the amazing father he is.

I will be in Birmingham until Dad passes, and then we’ll go from there. God’s timing is impeccable, and I now think he’s kept me single to be able to focus all my attention on my family and especially my mom. I’ve invited her to be roomies and seriously pray she accepts. It would be a blessing and an honor to love her in that way during this transition.

Life will never be the same. I knew 2013 was going to be a year of change, but I had no idea this was the plan. (God never seems to go with my plan! ;) However, I will keep my eyes looking up and seeking His direction for my next steps. He loves us and will guide my family with compassion and gentleness. God is good… ALL the time.

I guess I mean for this to be a love letter to my dad, my family, my friends and my God. I’ve never loved so deeply. I am VERY aware that the hard part has not even surfaced, but I know peace will follow.

Thank you for loving my family and me. We are blessed beyond measure.

His,

Michelle

Sent from my iPhone